{"id":342,"date":"2021-02-11T19:37:28","date_gmt":"2021-02-11T19:37:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/effctbttrfly.az\/?p=342"},"modified":"2022-07-15T22:10:45","modified_gmt":"2022-07-15T22:10:45","slug":"uzr-ist%c9%99yir%c9%99m","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/khadijazade.com\/?p=342","title":{"rendered":"\u00dczr ist\u0259yir\u0259m"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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\u00dczr ist\u0259yir\u0259m<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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\u018fn b\u00f6y\u00fck, \u0259n \u015f\u0259r\u0259fli \u0259s\u0259rimiz do\u011fru-d\u00fcr\u00fcst ya\u015famaqd\u0131r<\/p>

Michel de Montaigne<\/p><\/blockquote>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\u0130nsan d\u00fcnyaya g\u0259l\u0259rk\u0259n g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k h\u0259yat\u0131 il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 \u201cM\u00fcnd\u0259ricaat\u201d hiss\u0259si neyronlar\u0131na \u201cy\u00fckl\u0259nmir\u201d. H\u0259yat\u0131, n\u0259 etm\u0259li oldu\u011fumuzu, nec\u0259 m\u00fcbariz\u0259 aparmal\u0131 oldu\u011fumuzu ya\u015fayaraq \u00f6yr\u0259nirik. Dig\u0259r t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259n, yoruldu\u011fumuz zamanlarda h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131za kitab\u0131 yar\u0131da qoydu\u011fumuz kimi daha sonra qald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yerd\u0259n davam ed\u0259 bilmirik. V\u0259 ya filml\u0259rd\u0259ki kimi \u201c10 il sonra\u201d-n\u0131 ya\u015faya bilmirik. \u018fn xo\u015fb\u0259xt anlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 sevimli musiqil\u0259rimiz kimi ba\u015fa verib yenid\u0259n, d\u0259f\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 ya\u015faya bilmirik. Pis xatir\u0259l\u0259rimizi \u201cdelete\u201d d\u00fcym\u0259sin\u0259 bas\u0131b bir andaca unuda bilmirik. Yaln\u0131zca bir \u015fans\u0131m\u0131z var.. Yaln\u0131z bir d\u0259f\u0259 ya\u015faya bilirik.. Ya\u015famaq m\u0259cburiyy\u0259tind\u0259yik. H\u0259r an\u0131.. Hiss etm\u0259k m\u0259cburiyy\u0259tind\u0259yik.. H\u0259r \u015feyi, b\u00fct\u00fcn ya\u015fad\u0131qlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131. \u018fvv\u0259l – ax\u0131r, nec\u0259 ya\u015famal\u0131 oldu\u011fumuzu \u00f6yr\u0259nm\u0259liyik. S\u0259hv ed\u0259r\u0259k, s\u0259hvl\u0259rimizd\u0259n \u00f6yr\u0259n\u0259r\u0259k. Ya\u015fama\u011f\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259nm\u0259yin ba\u015fqa da bir yolu yoxdur dey\u0259 bilir\u0259m. B\u0259z\u0259n bunun \u0259dal\u0259tsiz oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m, h\u0259tta \u00fcsyan bel\u0259 edir\u0259m. Lakin, h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 analiz etdiyim anlarda \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc tan\u0131ma\u011f\u0131n \u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 yolunun el\u0259 s\u0259hv etm\u0259k oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc anlama\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. N\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 qadir olub, n\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 qadir olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, z\u0259if t\u0259r\u0259fl\u0259rimi, h\u0259l\u0259 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r inki\u015fafa ehtiyac\u0131m oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Bacar\u0131ram dediyimi \u0259slind\u0259 bacarmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, bilir\u0259m dediyimi \u0259slind\u0259 bilm\u0259diyimi, etm\u0259r\u0259m dediyim h\u0259r \u015feyi etdiyimi g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ara-s\u0131ra cahillik edib \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 kifay\u0259t q\u0259d\u0259r t\u0259cr\u00fcb\u0259min oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259 icaz\u0259 ver\u0259nd\u0259 \u0259ksin\u0259 h\u0259l\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131mda uzun bir yol oldu\u011funu anlad\u0131m. \u0130ndi is\u0259, \u0259ziz oxucu, icaz\u0259nl\u0259 s\u0259hvl\u0259rimi etiraf edib, onlar\u0131 bir daha t\u0259krarlamama\u011f\u0131 \u00e7ox \u00fcr\u0259kd\u0259n dil\u0259y\u0259r\u0259k v\u0259 \u00fczr ist\u0259y\u0259r\u0259k yoluma davam etm\u0259k ist\u0259yir\u0259m. Bel\u0259 ki,

\n\nSahib olduqlar\u0131ma g\u00f6r\u0259 yet\u0259rinc\u0259 \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr etm\u0259diyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\nA\u011fl\u0131m\u0131, vicdan\u0131m\u0131 susdurub, n\u0259fsim\u0259 yenik d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcy\u00fcm \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,\n
\nBilm\u0259diyim bu q\u0259d\u0259r \u015fey vark\u0259n bildikl\u0259riml\u0259 \u00f6y\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcm \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\n\u00d6z\u00fcmd\u0259ki q\u00fcsurlar\u0131 g\u00f6zard\u0131 edib, ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n q\u00fcsurlar\u0131n\u0131 barmaqla g\u00f6st\u0259rdiyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,\u00a0<\/span>
\n\n\u00d6z s\u0259hvl\u0259rim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00fcnahland\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\n\u00d6z d\u0259y\u0259rimi ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fc il\u0259 \u00f6l\u00e7d\u00fcy\u00fcm\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nBa\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc d\u0259y\u0259rsiz hiss etdirm\u0259sin\u0259 icaz\u0259 verdiyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nH\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131n m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n d\u00f6n\u0259ml\u0259rind\u0259 \u00f6z d\u00fcnyam\u0131 t\u0259rk edib ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n d\u00fcnyas\u0131na uy\u011funla\u015fma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131ma g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nS\u0259hvl\u0259rimd\u0259n d\u0259rs \u00e7\u0131xarmad\u0131\u011f\u0131ma, b\u0259zi s\u0259hvl\u0259rimi t\u0259krar-t\u0259krar etdiyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nH\u0259yat\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6st\u0259rm\u0259k ist\u0259dikl\u0259rin\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259rimi yumdu\u011fuma g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nZaman-zaman \u00f6z\u00fcm olmaqdan vaz ke\u00e7diyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nBa\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6z m\u0259nf\u0259\u0259tl\u0259ri u\u011frunda m\u0259ni formala\u015fd\u0131rmas\u0131na, d\u0259yi\u015fdirm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131na, manipulyasiya etm\u0259sin\u0259 icaz\u0259 verdiyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\n\u00d6n\u0259mli-\u00f6n\u0259msiz \u00f6z d\u0259rdim\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb, \u0259traf\u0131mdak\u0131 insanlar\u0131n, sevdikl\u0259rimin probleml\u0259rini g\u00f6rm\u0259zd\u0259n g\u0259ldiyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\nDo\u011fru v\u0259 yaln\u0131\u015f\u0131 ay\u0131rd ed\u0259 bildiyim halda yaln\u0131\u015f\u0131 se\u00e7diyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\nBu d\u00fcnyan\u0131n s\u0131naq d\u00fcnyas\u0131 oldu\u011funu unutdu\u011fum h\u0259r an \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\nAld\u0131\u011f\u0131m n\u0259f\u0259sin, g\u00f6r\u0259n g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin, hiss ed\u0259n h\u0259r bir z\u0259rr\u0259min d\u0259y\u0259rini kifay\u0259t q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259rk etm\u0259diyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\nM\u0259nas\u0131z i\u015fl\u0259r\u0259, xeyirsiz insanlara bo\u015funa s\u0259rf etdiyim, beyhud\u0259 ke\u00e7irtdiyim b\u00fct\u00fcn zaman\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\nBa\u015f ver\u0259n hadis\u0259l\u0259rin, insanlar\u0131n m\u0259ni \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n uzaqla\u015fd\u0131rmas\u0131na icaz\u0259 verdiyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\nZ\u0259nnimin m\u0259ni yan\u0131ltmas\u0131na icaz\u0259 verdiyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nHe\u00e7 haqq\u0131m olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 halda insanlar\u0131 yar\u011f\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131ma g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\n\u0130nam, g\u00fcv\u0259n kimi d\u0259y\u0259rli haqlar\u0131m\u0131 yaln\u0131\u015f insanlara s\u0259rf etdiyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nS\u0259hvl\u0259rimi, z\u0259iflikl\u0259rimi yaln\u0131\u015f insanlara \u0259man\u0259t etdiyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\n\u0130ncitm\u0259m\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc incitdiyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nBa\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n t\u0259qdirini qazanmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ist\u0259m\u0259diyim \u015feyl\u0259r\u0259 “yox” dey\u0259 bilm\u0259diyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,
\n\nQar\u015f\u0131mdak\u0131 insana s\u0259liq\u0259li geyimin\u0259, xarici g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u0259 v\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fark\u0259n qurdu\u011fu 1-2 pafoslu c\u00fcml\u0259sin\u0259 \u0259sas\u0259n qiym\u0259t verdiyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259,\u00a0<\/span>
\n\n\u0130nsanlar\u0131n m\u0259l\u0259k g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fcn alt\u0131nda \u015feytan gizl\u0259nm\u0259si ehtimal\u0131n\u0131 unutdu\u011fum \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\nC\u0259sar\u0259tim yerin\u0259 qorxular\u0131m\u0131, biliyim yerin\u0259 cahilliyimi b\u0259sl\u0259diyim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,
\n\n\u00d6z\u00fcm\u00fc yet\u0259rinc\u0259 dinl\u0259m\u0259diyim, anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, sevm\u0259diyim v\u0259 bir \u00e7ox hallarda bu dedikl\u0259rim\u0259 he\u00e7 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn,

\n\nYaradandan,
\n\nSevdikl\u0259rimd\u0259n,
\n\n\u018ftraf\u0131mdak\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn insanlardan,

\n\nV\u0259

\n\n\u00d6z\u00fcmd\u0259n

\n\n\u00dczr ist\u0259yir\u0259m\u2026

\n\nBunlar 28 illik \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u0259 s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u0259hvl\u0259rimin ham\u0131s\u0131 deyil \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259. Xeyli az hiss\u0259sidir. Amma yen\u0259 d\u0259 bu \u00fczr\u00fcm burada qals\u0131n. T\u0259krar – t\u0259krar oxuyum, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 xat\u0131rlad\u0131m, unutmay\u0131m, yadda\u015f\u0131ma h\u0259kk edim. \u018fg\u0259r unutsam, h\u0259yat xat\u0131rlatmaqda gecikm\u0259sin. Ki indiy\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r he\u00e7 vaxt gecikm\u0259yib..\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Qeyd.<\/strong> Bu m\u0259qal\u0259 Sinan Canan\u0131n “Unutulacak \u015feyler” (Tutikitap, 2020) adl\u0131 kitab\u0131ndan ilhamlanaraq yaz\u0131l\u0131b.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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\u015e\u0259kil<\/strong>: https:\/\/unsplash.com\/photos\/ulWwX5Y1NDs<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00dcZR \u0130ST\u018fY\u0130R\u018fM
\n..Bunlar 28 illik \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u0259 s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u0259hvl\u0259rimin ham\u0131s\u0131 deyil \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259. Xeyli az hiss\u0259sidir. Amma yen\u0259 d\u0259 bu \u00fczr\u00fcm burada qals\u0131n. T\u0259krar – t\u0259krar oxuyum, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 xat\u0131rlad\u0131m, unutmay\u0131m, yadda\u015f\u0131ma h\u0259kk edim. \u018fg\u0259r unutsam, h\u0259yat xat\u0131rlatmaqda gecikm\u0259sin. Ki indiy\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r he\u00e7 vaxt gecikm\u0259yib..<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":347,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[4,25],"class_list":["post-342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspired","tag-kpnkeffekti","tag-kicikaddimlarboyukdyisikliklr-2","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"\n\u00dczr ist\u0259yir\u0259m | Khadija Zade | Ki\u00e7ik add\u0131mlar, b\u00f6y\u00fck d\u0259yi\u015fiklikl\u0259r<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Bu \u00fczr\u00fcm burada qals\u0131n. 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